


live through this

by trousers



Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2014-11-25
Packaged: 2018-02-26 22:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2669321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trousers/pseuds/trousers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The soil is cool in the way that only grave-dirt can be, as if the corpse underneath is sucking the warmth from John's fingers even through all of that earth. He crouches at the foot of the grave in the low dawn light, Zed and Chas standing behind him, as he bids his final farewell to Gary Lester.</p><p>(post-A Feast of Friends)</p>
            </blockquote>





	live through this

Gary is six feet under, no last rites or headstone or fancy ceremony, just the three of them standing before the rectangle of fresh earth and paying their own silent tributes. Well, John is, and he's pretty sure Chas is too, but God knows what is running through Zed's mind at this moment – after tonight's display, John is amazed she's still within a hundred miles of this place.

It had taken forty-eight hours for Mnemoth to eat itself up inside Gary's body. Forty-eight hours of torment, as John sat there and watched. He'd held Gary's hand, but it wasn't like the kid was even conscious to feel it; it had been an empty gesture whose only purpose had been to comfort John himself.

When Manny finally leaves, John stumbles out of the room, leaving Gary's wracked, empty body on the bed. He finds Chas and Zed standing sombrely in the kitchen, hands and boots muddy.

“Time is it?” he mumbles, taking the mug of coffee that Chas offers.

“Just gone five,” Zed replies. “It'll be light soon. We need to bury Gary now, just in case anyone comes by.”

John smirks, the corner of his mouth turning up just on reflex. “What do you know about burying a body, Miss Martin?”

She lookes at him levelly. “More than you think, apparently.”

If he was feeling like himself, John would have engaged. Sparring with Zed is fun – her wit is as sharp as his, and she gives as good as she gets. But he's just spent forty-eight hours watching the life drain out of an old friend, and only sheer dogged resolve is keeping him on his feet. Even he knows it's not the time.

Anyway, Zed is right. It isn't worth the chance that a fisherman or dog-walker might stumble upon them halfway through burying Gary's mutilated corpse.

“We've dug a grave already, out back. I'll bring him through. We'll fill it in together and then you'll get some rest, John.” Chas' voice is warm and deliberately comforting – John looked up for a moment but the kindness evident on Chas' face is unbearable and he has to avert his gaze.

Suddenly wanting nothing more than for Chas to stop looking at him like that (like something fragile), he brushes past Zed on his way towards the back door. Sure enough, there's a grave in the back garden: a neat rectangular hole with a pile of dirt next to it, and three shovels lying down at the side.

Chas comes out of the house with Gary's body wrapped in a plastic sheet, and they carefully lower it into the grave before each taking a shovel and filling in the hole.

The soil is cool in the way that only grave-dirt can be, as if the corpse underneath is sucking the warmth from John's fingers even through all of that earth. He crouches at the foot of the grave in the low dawn light, Zed and Chas standing behind him, as he bids his final farewell to Gary Lester.

When John stands up and turns around, Zed is looking at him with pity in those big brown eyes, he can't help himself but make a crack about how he told her that everyone close to him dies – but the moment he opens his mouth, the words wither in his throat.

Chas nods, mind made up, and he puts an arm around John's shoulders, steering him back inside. John is expecting to be led to his own room, but instead he finds himself in Chas' bed, and he's secretly glad for it, because he's honestly not sure that he'd be able to sleep alone. Chas kicks off his dirty boots and arranges his big body in the bed beside John. His shoulder is the perfect height for John to use as a pillow.

Well, John Constantine is many things, and he might be damned, but he's no fool. He lets his head rest on Chas' shoulder and tucks his body into Chas' side, and he's too far gone into unconsciousness to even think of a witty remark when Chas beckons Zed to the bed as well.

-–

It's dark again when John wakes up, and the first thing he smells is dirt. The second thing is blood, and then they both clear and are replaced with the pine scent of Chas' room – not from a synthetic air freshener, but because Chas spends all day in the pine forest that surrounds the mill.

When he cracks his eyes open, he is a slightly surprised (and very amused) to see Chas and Zed sitting up in bed, asleep fully clothed and leaning on each other. They're exhausted from staying up all night for him, and he feels a sudden rush of affection for both of them.

John's stomach is twisting in hunger, though, and he's pretty sure his last meal was at least two days ago, so he shakes Chas' shoulder to wake him up. Chas' eyes open slowly – always a heavy sleeper, that one – and his slight shift is enough to wake Zed. She's the complete opposite when it comes to waking up, and goes from unconsciousness to total alertness in seconds. She might not be talking about it, but it's clear that Zed is used to being on the run.

“I'm hungry,” he announces, and Chas rolls his eyes and gets out of bed, disappearing downstairs to sort out some food. Zed draws her knees up to her chest and looks at John across the expanse that Chas' absence has created.

“You know, if you want to talk about it...” she ventures. God, she's beautiful, and if they were normal he'd ease her out of her shirt and kiss down her neck, her breasts, her belly, her cunt. But they're fucked up, both of them. _Normal_ is so far away it's not even visible on the horizon.

“You're all right, love,” John says, smirking at her, reaching for his pack on the bedside table and tapping out a cigarette. He offers her the pack, and for a second he thinks she's going to take one but then she shakes her head. Interesting, that.

Chas comes back with three roast beef sandwiches, and they sit in bed together to eat.

“Do you really have to smoke in my room, John?” Chas asks, but he's obviously just saying it because he always says it, and he's going through the motions for John. Still, it's a nice gesture, pretending things are normal, so John stubs the fag out and accidentally-on-purpose drops some crumbs onto Chas' sheets with his next bite of sandwich.

Zed laughs, and Chas is stifling a smile under his beard, and this is better than some pointless talk about feelings could ever be. Gary is six feet under in the back yard and he'll never shoot up again. Maybe it's for the best.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Your Ex-Lover Is Dead by Stars.


End file.
